Being Awkward
In social situations, I am always the girl that never approaches people to start a conversation and try to avoid people altogether. now a lot of people over the years have branded me 'Rude' 'Ignorant' ' Stuck up' etc. because I act like this in certain social situations but that is entirely not the case at all. Truth be told, I'm really extremely shy around people and new social situations and if you see me acting this way, honestly inside I'm just really scared and have no idea how to approach you.
Its always been a part of me for as long as I can remember and even in my childhood I have known to be the child that hides in the corner away from you. But also, people get confused when they see me with other people and see how outgoing I can be and loud and this is often where people seem to draw this conclusion that I must be ignorant. But truth be told, it takes me a long while to make friends, and an even longer while to get to a stage where I can be my true self once making friends. When you see me acting confident and outgoing, It's probably because I am with people I've known for a long while.
Honestly, The limited amount of people I let into my life, Feel almost like a safety blanket at times, I use there confident and outgoingness to shine and to appear confident myself by letting them do most of the talking and bring me into the conversation as a way to make friends and start off a conversation. I get scared often and feel as if I'm going to mess up what I'm saying and It feels nice to have someone there to back me up if I stutter and 9/10 I let my friends do most of the talking because I feel people will reject me and laugh. My circle is very small and thats not because im stuck up, I just choose my friends wisely and cut a lot of people out as soon as I feel I can no longer trust them and get worried to let more friends into my life. In a way, Its good to have a small circle but also it makes me miserable to have such a limited amount of friends and often feel myself missing out some of the time.
From around the ages of 11/12, I've always struggled with friendships with constant fallouts, bullying, Even death threats by some friends have made me more and more reserved over the years with who I let into my life and more anxious with approaching people and even with approaching family members, people who have been in my life since birth etc And I wish I could stop feeling like this.
I just want people to realize that just because I don't approach you to talk to you or in some way you feel like I ignore you. Its because I'm having a hard time to trust people and I really am not rude, I just have a wall up, that if you approach me and start engaging in conversation I will try my best to talk. I might appear a little reserved and shy. Just be persistent with me as I find it hard to trust people and that I am a kind and genuine person under all of this (I hope I am anyway) and I want to make new friends desperately but struggle with how exactly to. Also Inside you may not know, I find it hard to trust and no its nothing to do with you, I've just been hurt a lot by a lot of people and yes, I know that is somewhat selfish but I am working on it.
Its always been a part of me for as long as I can remember and even in my childhood I have known to be the child that hides in the corner away from you. But also, people get confused when they see me with other people and see how outgoing I can be and loud and this is often where people seem to draw this conclusion that I must be ignorant. But truth be told, it takes me a long while to make friends, and an even longer while to get to a stage where I can be my true self once making friends. When you see me acting confident and outgoing, It's probably because I am with people I've known for a long while.
Honestly, The limited amount of people I let into my life, Feel almost like a safety blanket at times, I use there confident and outgoingness to shine and to appear confident myself by letting them do most of the talking and bring me into the conversation as a way to make friends and start off a conversation. I get scared often and feel as if I'm going to mess up what I'm saying and It feels nice to have someone there to back me up if I stutter and 9/10 I let my friends do most of the talking because I feel people will reject me and laugh. My circle is very small and thats not because im stuck up, I just choose my friends wisely and cut a lot of people out as soon as I feel I can no longer trust them and get worried to let more friends into my life. In a way, Its good to have a small circle but also it makes me miserable to have such a limited amount of friends and often feel myself missing out some of the time.
From around the ages of 11/12, I've always struggled with friendships with constant fallouts, bullying, Even death threats by some friends have made me more and more reserved over the years with who I let into my life and more anxious with approaching people and even with approaching family members, people who have been in my life since birth etc And I wish I could stop feeling like this.
I just want people to realize that just because I don't approach you to talk to you or in some way you feel like I ignore you. Its because I'm having a hard time to trust people and I really am not rude, I just have a wall up, that if you approach me and start engaging in conversation I will try my best to talk. I might appear a little reserved and shy. Just be persistent with me as I find it hard to trust people and that I am a kind and genuine person under all of this (I hope I am anyway) and I want to make new friends desperately but struggle with how exactly to. Also Inside you may not know, I find it hard to trust and no its nothing to do with you, I've just been hurt a lot by a lot of people and yes, I know that is somewhat selfish but I am working on it.
Olivia x
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