A Rambling Post About 2017

At this point last year, lost and confused Olivia wouldn’t have imagined to have been in the position that in which I am currently at now. Now 19, somehow in her first year of a Media and Communications Degree and still in a relationship with someone I feel so passionatly in love with. Is beyond me..

I started this year filled with doubts, Confusion and stresses about the ever looming future. Will I pass college and be able to get onto a degree? Will my boyfriend still love me this time next year? I felt so insecure with my capabilities and genuinely with the majority of my life.. Also, I started to try to change myself a lot to try to fit in with a new crowd of people that were in no way at all good for me or benefited my life in anyway. In fear that I was going to end up alone with nobody at all. I’d shaped myself into someone that I no longer recognised for a while just to “Fit In” and feel as though i was accepted by people that were toxic towards me by acting and behaving a certain way.

It’s not until something major happens in life until you realise what’s really important and you start to break away and ultimately realise what is really important in life. It’s not until these major events that we start to realise that life is too short to be acting like someone we are not in order to impress other people to feel accepted. It’s not until major events in our lives that we truely realise who our friends as they will be the ones trying to boost your self esteem and will be there to pick you back up when bad things arise. Essentially, these events ultimately will tell us the most important thing of all..

Family are as better friend as any stranger we have tried to win over the appreciation of over the years.. family are life long friends who will pick you up when you are down. They will make you remember who you are again and help you build and work towards being yourself again. 

As the year has progressed, My list of people I grow dear to me has shortened more and more. Some out of choice due to toxic relationships with people and some due to the harsh realities of the life cycle that unfortunately can not be changed.. This year, I have lost many people from my life that one whole year ago I wouldn’t have dreamed to have not had them in my life right now. Although many are ones i don’t wish to return into my life at all and some I wish I could do everything to bring them back down from heaven to be here with my family at Christmas. 

 

I feel that a lot of who I am ending the year as is because of is because of my amazing boyfriend. Who has held my hand throughout all of the tough times and has helped me realise my true self worth. As cliche as this sounds. I’m so fortunate to be here a year later with someone as special at him who I feel doesn’t quite realise how much he has actaully helped me become the person I am today.

Although, 2017 for me has been very tough for me. I still have managed to experience some very happy memories that I will cherish for years to come and many firsts from things I have longed to have achieved.

I will come away from this year stronger, happier and less self doubting about all of the things I can accomplish all by myself and carry on striving for my dreams and life goals in the face of adversity And will go into 2018 with a kick ass “I got this shit” attitude.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 

Olivia x