My Rambling thoughts: I’m Not Okay

Sometimes we all feel down. Some people experience this feeling more often than others and some people, this only occurs on occasions.. some people like to hide it away from the world and some people like to express there feelings to the world as a way of healing and release.

Being someone who always tends to hide away from there feelings and bottle them away to myself, I’ve decided to let out and express how I’m feeling.

To put it straight, life has been really getting me down, I’m studying a degree at a place where I feel I am not getting what I had so badly pinned my hopes on getting, not learning the key things on my degree and really not liking the teaching format of my favourite subject. Also on top of this people have not have been as welcoming and accommodating to me and quite frankly very rude towards me. As well as also having to adapt to the changes of life that I find so hard and is a long process for me to adapt to, to add to this.

Also in the past year, i seem to have lost a lot of people from my life who generally have made no effort to make sure I’m okay or essentially just be a friend in the tough circumstances that have included losing the family members in a very short space of time. When I have needed a helping hand and just a chat to get me through with all of the things that this year has very harshly thrown towards me all at once. And people that have made me feel pretty low and feeling used and worthless about myself whilst trying to boost there egos from my down moments.

I just feel so lost and confused as to where I want to go with my future right now and feel that I had made the wrong decision in choosing to take higher education at a large facility like a university. I feel that I cannot cope any longer in the situation I am currently faced with as I feel that this factor is draining the happiness slowly out of me to along with all of the stresses and pressure that come along with my early adulthood and issues that I am trying to cope with in General  ..I am worried that I am going to be seen as “The girl that dropped out of university” if I decide to studying my Degree elsewhere or even go back to college to studying for my degree there but feel a change needs to happen soon. And to add to this I have been left feeling so worthless and hopeless feeling that as the final month of he year draws in I have been all taken aback by all of the hard events that have taken place that I just have no idea where to go with my life from here and how to feel

Olivia x