Random Late Night Thoughts

Random Late Night Thoughts - 

People scare me

Hello, so its late and i cant sleep so i thought i would post a little something that is on my mind right now.i may also start making this a regular thing on my blog. I thought this was a good idea as writing things down often helps you put your mind at ease.

So in many day to day situations,you are going to be faced with people and are constantly are going to have to talk to new people. and this is an experience i don't find pleasant and particularly haven't come to enjoy. During school i had grown over the years to become a sort of social recluse and found it very hard to talk to people and make new friends. People couldn't understand why i never spoke and i often got called ignorant for doing so. when inside i was so scared and conscious someone was going to judge me and all i really wanted was to be able to talk to people. During one phase i even found it hard to talk to friends and found it hard to make conversation with them, this was really irritating and i hated myself for this fact. This had often carried on throughout my life until i met who is now one of my best friends and i hold very dearly to me. I got introduced to new people that somehow accepted me for me and i slowly have started to come out of this shell i had been in for so long. 

Being someone that hates being around people sucks. It is the most loneliest feelings ever when you wish you could feel less like you're being judged by people and be surrounded by people without feeling uncomfortable and wishing you'd feel relaxed. Its one of the most suckiest things ever as being this way i have pushed so many people away because of this. Over the years I've been trying to cope with this by

throwing myself into social situations that have scared me to death.. I often find that to overcome something you must expose yourself as much as you can until you do not feel that fear anymore.. 

Recently I have started to accept the fact that not everyone is out to get me and i shouldn't care what people think.this has taken me sometime and im not 100% there yet but it feels so good to be able to make friends with people and be around people without feeling uncomfortable

Olivia x

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